I’m Not the Only Idiot in the Cockpit
by Dennis Breen
The title is attention grabbing be you a rated pilot or one who just enjoys aviation stories. The book’s cover only hints at the vignettes to be found inside. Don’t be hesitant to get hold of a copy for yourself especially if you find enjoyment reading clever, intelligent writing that shares entertaining aviation-oriented stories. This first-time author does have tales to tell.
Breen has miles and miles of hours in the left seat of an impressive array of different aircraft over his 30+ years aloft. To date his logbook records plus-or-minus 2,000 hours in some 80+ different makes and models of aircraft, single and multi-engine. Those same logbooks show that he’s flown at least 270 different planes as indicated by their side (N) numbers. Impressively too, he’s never had an incident or accident (and there is a difference between the two as he notes in one of his stories).
Photographs as they reproduce on the page aren’t sharp but are recognizable and each is well captioned. You’ll have to obtain a copy of the book to discover this Super Connie’s story.
Now in his 80s and having retired his flight certificate he decided it was time to tell some of those flight-related stories as he had experienced them. Of the nearly 130 yarns he spins it seems best to just give you a taste of what’s between the covers.
“With my taildragger time now up to a whopping twenty minutes or so, I took off and flew over to Oliver Farms’ short, downhill, grass strip to try to get to know this little darlin’ without the benefit of eyewitnesses. [That little darlin’ was a 1946 Globe Swift.]
“For relative reference purposes, [I] re-read the landing tendencies of the PA-22. I line up low and slow, reduced power, lowered the gear, and extended the flaps. At this point, I believe even someone totally unfamiliar with airplanes can anticipate what was about to occur. The not-at-all-overused phrase ‘flying by the seat of the pants’ is actually quite accurate.
“While looking at the rapidly approaching ground, with the airport fence sticking up out of it, I literally felt the plane beginning to fall out from under me. I lowered the nose, jammed the throttle all the way in, and regained a semblance of flying control. Leaving the flaps alone, I cleared the fence by millimeters and touched down in a bit rough, extremely noisy three-point landing. That thing sounded like an aluminum thunderstorm.
“I made three more landings that day, six more the following day and pronounced myself A Swift Pilot. Pun inference is purely optional.”
For a time, Breen worked for a finance company often performing repossessions. In a vignette titled “Timing is Everything or Nothing” he tells of one. “We had a chronic delinquent flight school of five birds in Lancaster, California, that was up to me to remedy. I flew out to LA . . . rounded up more pilots and rented a Piper PA-32-300 for the trip over the mountain to Lancaster. We had five birds of prey that I wanted to get flown over to Rialto and secured.
A clever graphic is used between some segments
“When we got there, I told the five pilots to stand by and await my signal. I went into the operations secretary and told her I needed to see Jim W. She said he’s in a meeting with the IRS representative.
“Figuring that they were there to seize the planes and shut him down, I knew I’d better act fast and first. I went back out and started pointing at pilots and their respective new rides and told them to get in and get gone. We had the fleet in the air in less than ten minutes, and there wasn’t an IRS sticker on a single door. Now, do you get the {timing} connection? That’s what’s known as a genuine Coupe de Grass. It felt better than a Coupe de Ville.”
Breen’s next employer was Avemco for which he insured clients’ aircraft. As if he needed more examples supporting the title of his book, Breen titles this one “I Always Made it Before.” “We had an insured pilot in Montana who frequently made a round trip to Denver and back in his Cessna 182. He traded it in for a Piper PA-28-180-R. On his first trip to Denver in his new airplane, he crashed well short of his destination due to fuel starvation.
“When asked why he had allowed it to run out of fuel, he said he couldn’t figure it out. He said on all his previous trips each way, he had never to re-fuel. Duh? The Cessna held eighty-four gallons of fuel and the new Arrow held only fifty. Even with a lesser rate of fuel burn, the Piper would inevitably wind up at least an hour short of the long-legged 182’s maximum range. And you wonder why aircraft insurance prices go up from time to time.”
If the foregoing has intrigued you, it’s easy to get a brand new, fresh copy of this reasonably priced, nicely designed book delivered to you simply by directing Amazon to print one for you. Then you can enjoy all the stories Dennis Breen has to tell.
Copyright 2025 Helen V Hutchings (speedreaders.info)
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